Silence Isn't Always Golden
by ArmidaLore01
Summary: Modern AU. In which Arthur is deaf and has the opportunity to regain his hearing, but doesn't want to, much to Merlin's dismay. Merthur. Arthur/Merlin. Deaf!Arthur.


Inspired by the _House MD _episode "House Divided." If you want to believe the doctor mentioned in this story is Greg House, you are more than welcome to. But the doctor here will behave in a completely different manner than House (by that, I mean he shows goodness) and the case will be solved in a different way.

Also, other characters will not be featured in this fic. There will be a brief mention of the parents, but this is Arthur and Merlin centered, so no other characters are featured here.

Disclaimer: I do not own _Merlin_, or the plot of the _House MD _episode.

* * *

When Arthur thought about it, in those random deep meditations in the shower, or when his mind ran free just before bed, it was all thanks to that doctor.

Arthur had been deaf since age four, due to complications with meningitis. Throughout his childhood, people either avoided him or treated him as though he were this fragile doll that needed special treatment, else he be more broken than he already was. No children wanted to play with the deaf kid who couldn't understand them, couldn't hear them. They all gave him a wide berth in the classroom and on the playground, since they knew of Uther Pendragon and knew better than to mess with his only son.

Though, at times Arthur almost wished they would bully him, as if he were a normal child.

As if he weren't deaf.

As if he were someone worth acknowledging.

He got used to being ignored and being alone throughout school. Uther wouldn't hear out the idea of sending his son out to a special school for deaf children, arguing that Arthur did not need to be treated differently, and would cope fine at a regular school. It did not stop Ygraine from enlisting the help of the tutor who taught Arthur how to sign at an early age, and would now help Arthur in his studies.

So he worked and lived and coped, all of it alone. He had stopped wondering why the other kids didn't want to play with him, and he had learned to merely accept it. He was alone, and he had to deal with that.

Until one day he wasn't anymore.

Merlin came into his life unexpectedly, though not without welcome. He was a transfer from his previous middle school back in the small town of Ealdor, and his family had just moved to Camelot because of his father's work. Merlin was a scrawny, skinny boy with big ears and a smile that could easily cause Arthur to have more than one disability. Merlin made friends easily enough, Arthur noticed just on the first day he arrived, seeing him talking to Gwaine and Freya during their lunch hour. Arthur couldn't hear him, but he could see Merlin's blinding smile, his excited gestures of his arms as he recounted a story, and he saw as Gwaine and Freya laughed merrily at whatever Merlin was saying.

And he saw Merlin turn and spot him, a questioning look in his vibrant eyes.

Arthur finished chewing the last of his sandwich and placed his textbook back into his bag, standing up to leave. He tried to ignore the irritance he felt when people immediately got out of his way so as to not disturb him, or the feeling of someone's eyes boring heavily into his skull.

xXx

It gave Arthur a huge fright when Merlin suddenly plopped down next to him after school.

Arthur felt himself gasp as he jumped in bewilderment, almost closing the book he had in his lap. He clutched his chest above where his heart was and frowned at his company. Merlin held his hands up with an apologetic smile, his mouth moving.

Arthur furrowed his eyebrows and turned back to his book. He couldn't concentrate on where he had left off before he was interrupted; there were those eyes on him again. He glanced back up at the other boy and noticed Merlin staring at him in confusion. Arthur blinked before he suddenly realized Merlin had been trying to talk to him.

Arthur pointed at his ear and shook his head to tell Merlin as best as he could of his disability.

Merlin looked like he got the message, but instead of leaving Arthur alone to be under the shade of his favorite tree, or suddenly looking at him with pity, Merlin instead tilted his head, a curious look on his face.

And then he lifted his hands.

'_You're Arthur Pendragon, right?'_ Merlin signed, a small smile gracing his lips.

Arthur's eyes widened and he almost forgot to nod in answer to his question. Merlin grinned.

'_My name is Merlin.'_

xXx

That had been ten years ago. Merlin and Arthur had become almost inseparable since that day, sticking together through middle school into high school. It was during their first semester of senior year that Arthur discovered that the feelings he felt towards Merlin were more than platonic, and he made those feelings known on his birthday when Merlin had given to him a thick black bracelet with a charm that had the sign for "I love you" embedded on it. Arthur responded by grabbing the sides of Merlin's head and pressing their lips together.

They remained together for the remainder of high school and going into Camelot University, where Merlin received a full ride and Arthur received multiple scholarships and was paid the rest by his father. Like every relationship, they had their ups and downs; their worst fights could be just as furious as any other couple but were silent, with Arthur's inability to shout and scream what he was feeling and instead choosing to physically hit things to express his anger, and Merlin shouting and not signing and frustrating Arthur to no end.

But they were crazy about each other. Every argument, every fight, every snarky comment was resolved with soft kisses and murmured apologies on Merlin's part, and gentle touches on Arthur's. They never let a spat come between them or force them apart; instead it brought them even closer together as lovers. It had been far from perfect, but it was wonderful.

Then came Arthur's illness.

Arthur had collapsed inside their flat, a wail erupting from his throat as he clutched his head, eyes clenched shut in utter agony while Merlin consoled him as best as he could with the paramedics on the phone.

'_Explosions,'_ Arthur had signed when he was somewhat coherent. Merlin gave this information to the ER doctors. They sent the case over to their diagnostician, who believed the sudden attack ("exploding head syndrome") was caused by either the result of a sudden movement of a middle ear component or of the eustachian tube, or the result of a minor seizure in the temporal lobe where the nerve cells for hearing are located. They scheduled an MRI for Arthur's brain to be scanned.

When their doctor returned, he informed them that after a consultation, they discovered signs of NF2 cancer in Arthur's brain.

"Don't worry, there is no definite answer as to whether this is NF2 cancer yet," the doctor reassured. "We need a brain biopsy to confirm if it is, but there can still be a chance that his exploding head syndrome was just caused by fatigue. You're college students, I'm sure he's had more than one late nighter."

"He's been stressing himself out recently over interning at his father's cooperation," Merlin nodded, glancing over at Arthur, who was watching the exchange through hooded eyes.

"That may be it," the doctor said. "However, we still need to make sure, so we just need his signature so that we could book the OR. But before we do that… there's something I need to discuss with the pair of you."

"Of course, what is it?" Merlin asked, brows furrowing.

"Translate all of this for me?" the doctor asked, continuing when Merlin nodded. "NF2 is an extremely slow-growing cancer, which makes it very treatable." Merlin's hands moved quickly as he signed all of this to Arthur, who nodded as he followed along. "If you do have it, taking out the tumor means there's a chance you could regain your hearing."

Merlin's hands faltered as he exhaled sharply with this new information, but he relayed the message to Arthur. Once Merlin finished, Arthur immediately shook his head and signed something to Merlin.

"No," Merlin whispered, replying back to Arthur. "They said you have to."

Again, Arthur shook his head frantically and signed the same thing. Merlin sighed, running a hand through his hair.

"What's wrong?" the doctor questioned at Merlin's frustration. Merlin turned back to him.

"He wants you to treat for the cancer if you find it, but leave him deaf," Merlin stated lowly.

"Uh, I'm sorry, it doesn't work that way," the doctor spoke to Arthur while Merlin signed.

Arthur scowled, raising his hands again. _'Why?'_

'_Arthur, it will be okay.' _Merlin replied. _'You need to get better.'_

Arthur shook his head furiously.

"It will take some time to adjust," the doctor said, and Merlin translated. "If there's NF2 involved, there's no other way around it. To remove the tumor means to take a chance that you'll hear again. It will be scary, but you'll live. It will be okay."

Arthur sat and stared at the doctor and his boyfriend before him, both watching in slight anticipation.

Then, Arthur nodded.

xXx

In the end, Merlin was informed that it wasn't NF2 cancer. He was relieved, but couldn't help the slight disappointment he felt at the thought of Arthur not regaining his hearing. Arthur was placed back into his room, and Merlin sat beside him as he woke from the anesthesia from the biopsy. Arthur grinned sleepily at his boyfriend and exhaled slowly. Then he blinked and frowned.

'_I still can't hear.'_

'_It wasn't NF2 cancer,'_ Merlin answered, and he stroked through Arthur's golden hair gently. Arthur smiled and nodded, nestling closer to Merlin.

It was at that moment that another doctor arrived, rolling in a monitor with a keyboard connected to it.

"What's that for?" Merlin questioned, quirking an eyebrow at the odd piece of technology.

"Your doctor's orders," he said vaguely, typing something onto the keyboard once he had it plugged in. Merlin frowned at the less-than-helpful answer and glanced down at Arthur. The other man just blinked at him.

And then, scaring Merlin out of his wits completely, Arthur spasmed in his bed and cried out, clutching his head.

Arthur was utterly terrified. One moment he was lying in bed in silence, observing Merlin. And the next…

It was almost as if an explosion took place, not unlike the one he experienced back in their flat. Suddenly, he was aware of _everything_. He could hear._ He could hear_. It was all _so loud_.

The onslaught of noises overwhelmed him, cutting through his mind and stabbing him, hurting him -

drip. drip. drip. Went the IV drip.

The loud fluttering of papers as a nurse nearby took a spill.

Footsteps. A melodic ringing. _Voices_.

"I need you to stay calm." _Who was that?! _Arthur heard a frantic beeping that sounded off as his heart pounded furiously in his chest. He was dying, he was dying, what the hell was going on?!

The doctor that came in appeared in his line of sight, one hand stretched out. "Calm down."

His voice cut through him deeply. God why was he being so loud? _Why was he being attacked in this way?!_

Merlin appeared before him, his blue eyes panicked. Arthur removed a hand away from his head momentarily to sign _'What's happening to me?' _before he screamed again.

xXx

It was their original doctor that gave the order to place a cochlear implant into Arthur's brain after they discovered that Arthur didn't have NF2 cancer. They couldn't remove it now, not so soon after surgery.

Merlin was furious, and outwardly expressed it toward their doctor, demanding that once Arthur was stable enough that they remove the implant out of his head.

"Arthur is opting into a handicap," the doctor argued. "He has the ability to hear again, to be able to live fully again. Why not take that opportunity?"

"You've terrified him and betrayed his trust!" Merlin spat.

"He was willing to be able to hear again when I mentioned he would regain his hearing if there was a tumor in his brain," he responded. "There was no tumor, but I didn't see why he still couldn't hear. And I understand that you're both upset at me, I get it. But you want him to hear, don't you?"

Merlin blinked back at the sudden hotness in his eyes. "It doesn't matter what I -"

"It does," the doctor stressed. "You want him to hear. You want to be able to talk to him and have him be able to talk back and _listen _to you. He's scared, really scared, but I know he wants that too. Talk to him. Tell him how you feel."

Merlin sniffed and dropped his head, glancing over to Arthur's room, spotting Arthur through the glass windows; the other man was burrowed as far back into his pillow as he could, staring at the ceiling. Merlin exhaled shakily.

The doctor was right. He loved Arthur, he loved him so much. And the fact that he'd rather live in silence for the rest of his life instead of taking the chance to hear again was tearing him apart. He wanted more than anything for Arthur to be able to hear him, to be able to listen to what music Merlin liked and figure out what kind he enjoyed, to be able to marvel at the sound of his own voice. But Arthur was stubborn, and he wouldn't want to budge from his decision. Merlin sighed shakily.

"I'm sorry that you feel this way," the doctor said. "But I'm not sorry that I did it."

xXx

'_Make them take it out,'_ Arthur signed.

'_Give this a chance, Arthur,' _Merlin replied, a pleading expression on his face. _'You can hear. This is a good thing. Even so, they can't operate again without you getting better first. But please, give this a chance.'_

'_I don't want this thing in me!'_ Arthur answered furiously, his eyes gleaming in anger.

'_It's new, it's different, it's scary, I know it is, Arthur,' _Merlin replied, growing more and more frustrated at Arthur's insistence. _'But please try.'_

'_No! Merlin, get it out of me!'_ And when Merlin shook his head helplessly Arthur almost growled, and Merlin exhaled loudly as Arthur slammed his hand onto his bed, expressing his anger the only way he knew how. And Merlin snapped.

"Arthur!" he cried out, throwing his hands up in fierce exasperation. He closed his eyes and dug the heels of his hands into them as he breathed in slowly, forcing himself to calm down. "God," he whispered almost inaudibly as he felt moisture on his hands. He rubbed at his eyes and swallowed, looking back toward his boyfriend.

Merlin was taken aback by his expression. Arthur was no longer angry, but was staring at Merlin with wide eyes, the blue orbs within them sparkling with awe, and his jaw had gone slack, his mouth gaping in his wonder. Merlin frowned and was about to ask Arthur what was wrong until Arthur rose his hands.

'_What was that?' _Arthur signed. _'Was that my name? A-R-T…'_

Merlin choked out a startled laugh and nodded quickly. "Yes. Yes it was," he murmured, signing in case Arthur didn't understand.

Arthur's eyes softened. _'Your voice… it's so beautiful.'_

Merlin had to swallow past the hard lump that suddenly formed in his throat with pursed lips, wiping his wet eyes. He offered Arthur a watery grin.

Arthur's own eyes were shining as he signed, _'Can you say it again, please?'_

Grinning so widely it was starting to hurt his facial muscles, Merlin approached Arthur's side, sitting down at the edge of the bed, never taking his eyes away from Arthur's. "Arthur," he said again, putting as much love and happiness and raw emotion as he could into the name of the man he loved so dearly.

Arthur smiled. _'Again.'_

And Merlin laughed. The sound of it startled Arthur a little as the other man jumped, but gave a huge smile as he found the sound of Merlin's laughter pleasurable. Merlin's laughter ended on a sob as he reached over and cupped Arthur's face in his hands, pressing a soft kiss onto his lover's lips. Arthur responded immediately, grabbing onto Merlin's wrist, gently kissing Merlin back while tasting the saltiness of his tears as they cascaded down Merlin's cheeks onto their joined lips.

The next morning, they informed their doctor that Arthur would keep the implant.

xXx

That had been a month ago.

Now Arthur was healthy, discharged from the hospital, and their lives were back to normal.

Well. As normal as it could get for a deaf man that just regained his hearing.

Merlin spent the last few weeks introducing things to Arthur, like music and television shows ("Yes, you've seen them, but this time you can actually listen to what's happening!") and the sounds of people's voices. Ygraine and Hunith almost lost themselves to their tears when Arthur and Merlin arrived for a family dinner and Arthur was able to hear them. Uther had laughed merrily and enveloped Arthur in a tight hug while exclaiming, "Oh my boy!" and Balinor grinned widely and clapped Arthur on the shoulder. Merlin watched and observed all of this with barely contained giddiness and excitement.

Merlin came to find out that Arthur rather enjoyed a lot of his music, such as Coldplay and Ed Sheeran. Music was constantly being played in their flat, and Merlin became witness more than once to Arthur suddenly moving to the rhythm of an upbeat song, roaring with laughter when Arthur dragged him along to dance.

Arthur was also learning how to form words of his own with a learning technique he picked up from his mother; he used Merlin a lot for this, placing his hands on Merlin's jaw as he spoke, feeling the movements of the jaw underneath and listening intently for how the words sounded, repeating the words until they were perfected. He was a rapid learner and it took less and less time for him to pick up on how to say certain words each time he tried, much to Merlin's delight.

Arthur came to quite enjoy shows like _Supernatural _and _Sherlock _and _Doctor Who_. One night in their flat found them cuddled up on the couch, Arthur lying down with his head in Merlin's lap and Merlin running his hand through Arthur's hair soothingly, while watching the pilot episode of _Supernatural_. It was at the scene where Sam and Jessica were at the Halloween party that Merlin leaned down and pressed an open-mouthed kiss on Arthur's neck. Arthur closed his eyes and sighed.

Merlin removed his lips and slowly nestled his face into Arthur's hair close to his ear, inhaling Arthur's scent.

"I love you," Merlin whispered, running a hand with a velvet touch down Arthur's arm.

Arthur frowned lightly in curiosity and slowly turned over so that he was lying down facing up at Merlin, who was staring back with a puzzled expression. Arthur blinked and signed.

'_Did you just say I love you?'_

Merlin nodded.

And in one fluid movement, Arthur suddenly sat up, almost headbutting Merlin in his haste, and startling Merlin. Arthur gave a brief apologetic glance before he turned to face Merlin fully on the couch, sitting on his feet. Before Merlin could ask what was going on, Arthur placed his hands on Merlin's jaw. Recognizing this position, Merlin chuckled. When Arthur nodded, he spoke.

"I love you," he grinned, speaking a bit more slowly and clearly than he normally would for Arthur's sake. Arthur stared at Merlin's mouth intensely, a look of complete concentration gracing his features. Arthur nodded, but instead of removing his hands from Merlin's face like he normally would, he only slid them up, cupping Merlin's cheeks. Merlin watched as Arthur's piercing blue eyes sparkled as he opened his mouth.

"Merlin," Arthur said, and Merlin smiled; his name had been one of the first things Arthur had learned to say. "... I… love… you…"

And despite knowing that Arthur was going to say that to him from the moment he placed his hands on his jaw, Merlin still felt a strong stinging in his eyes and his heart fluttered in his chest. Arthur spoke again.

"I love you… so much.. Merlin."

And Arthur sat back, grinning triumphantly.

The fact that those words were coming from Arthur, the man who only a month ago had not been able to hear, much less talk, the man he loved so much and only wanted the best for him, was just incredible to Merlin. The love that came from Arthur's words struck something inside of him, and he felt as though all of the happiness and pleasure in the world could not compare to what he was feeling right now. It came out in the form of tears.

Arthur suddenly looked bewildered, his eyes widening slightly at the sight of Merlin's tears. Believing he did something wrong, he went to apologize through signing.

He barely got the chance to raise his hands before he had an armful of Merlin, who had launched himself onto Arthur, knocking him flat on his back, attaching their lips together in a deep, frantic kiss. Arthur moaned lightly and kissed back with reverence, placing a hand on the small of Merlin's back, the other hand reaching up to entangle itself in raven black locks. Merlin kissed him feverishly, trying to pour as much emotion as he could into that kiss. Their kiss eventually had to end when the need for oxygen became apparent, leaving them both breathless and panting, but that didn't stop Merlin from pressing small, heated kisses onto Arthur's mouth, muttering, "I love you, oh Gods, Arthur, I love you so much." Arthur could only groan and maneuver their bodies so that they were both sitting up, Merlin straddling his waist. And he stood with Merlin's legs wrapped around him, walking towards their bedroom, still kissing as they went.

Life never quite returned to the way that it used to be for them. Arthur definitely had his moments where he was overwhelmed by the whole new world of sound he was given. He had his days where all he wanted to do was rip the implant out and chuck it in the bin just to get away from the noise. There were nights where Arthur was just exhausted, and wanted nothing more than to curl up next to his lover and forget the world around them. And Merlin was always there with a soothing voice and a comforting kiss and unwavering love for him.

So, Arthur thought as he turned to wrap his arms around the sleeping Merlin, and smiling as the other man curled into his warmth instinctively, if he had to think about it, this new life he was granted, this new opportunity to connect even more with his friends and family and the man he loved, it was all thanks to that doctor.


End file.
